Monday, March 10, 2008

Over the Pond

Hello blogger friends! It has been a very busy couple of weeks. Wait, didn't I say that in my last post? I think its a theme. I could change my blog name to "Too Busy to Post" or "Its a Busy Place Around Here, Who Has Time to Post?" or "We're All So Busy, What Are We Doing Reading Blogs?".

Well, I'm about to get on an airplane and hop on over that pond. I know I should be excited and I am in some ways. I am very excited to see Sarah and share London with her. I am grateful for the chance to celebrate her 21st birthday and maintain my perfect "never missed a birthday" record. I'm thrilled to get to spend time with my good friend, Leslie and her delightful daughter. I am very very excited about getting to visit the family David and I stayed with as newlyweds some 24+ years ago. But, with all these blessings there is this underlying fear that the enemy uses to steal my joy and as hard as I try to live in the truth and trust God with this trip, I find myself in the midst of worry. Last night after David and I spent some time together I found myself weeping and thinking, and then saying, that if I died on this trip I would miss him every single day until he joined me in Heaven. I am a blessed woman and I have every bit of the family I ever dreamed of and a husband I wouldn't trade for anything and it feels like such a risky thing to leave them and take an airplane to a far off foreign land (i know they speak the same language, but it requires my passport to visit, so its foreign). It feels sort of irresponsible to take unnecessary risks for a trip of fun. I know this isn't logical...I know my days are numbered by my trustworthy God...I know that I can give all that I love to Him again and trust Him to care for them better than I ever could. I know all these things in my head, but my heart is struggling to live what I believe. I can remember traveling some years ago by myself and praying to God and giving Him my loved ones over and over again. I remember flying home from a trip to Germany with my mom and praying for the chance to see David just one more time and when I finally landed thinking how I understood why people kiss the ground when they finally get where they are longing to be. I think I will be praying that same thing on this trip and as I wrestle with God about this trip I know He is calling me to take it. He has spoken to my heart that I need to go and to trust Him again with those I love. It will be hard for me to get on that plane and leave 5/6 of my family here. That is the deal though. I have to leave them to be able to minister to that precious 1/6 that is over there. None is more important than the other, but in this case I am called to the 1 over there. To share in her London experience. To love her and celebrate with her as she comes of age and becomes an official adult. No one could have asked for a better daughter. She is far better than I deserve and so I go to celebrate her and I trust my God to take care of the rest of my blessings here.

My trip to London is an act of faith. Who would've thought that? I had NO idea when I began to plan this trip that God would use it to bring my heart to a new level of faith in Him. I thought I was just going to see Sarah. I love that about God. He will take anything that we dialogue with Him about and use it to grow us. He has taught me to take my heart to Him with all its imperfections and to allow Him to work and change and make me into the image of His Son. Christ Himself left the security of Heaven for me. Surely I can leave my home for Him. Blessings to my readers, whoever you are....search for God in the midst of whatever you are going through...be open to all He has for you and walk in obedience to whatever He is calling you to. Take His hand and determine to enjoy the journey, but don't forget our enemy who loves to steal our joy in the process. He is a vicious foe, but greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world. I will let you know all about the fun I have with Sarah and all that God teaches me there. I'm excited! Love, Jackie Sue

7 comments:

Brandi said...

Will you blog while there? Oh wait, I'm used to waiting 2 weeks for a blog! I'll be praying for you as you leave and excited for you as you are gone and celebrate with Sarah!

Love ya. . .and have a blast!

Brandi

Alyson & Ford said...

I am excited for you going on a wonderful trip. Enjoy and maybe more blessings will be revealed. Loved reading your blog.

Alyson LID 01/27/06

Cassie - Homeschooling Four said...

I love how vulnerable you are! Thanks for sharing how God is working in your life.
I am so jealous of your trip! I wait for the day that I can take a trip overseas. I've never been out of the good ole' U.S.A.
Take lots of pictures and have a great time!!

Anonymous said...

Oh, i do so love how we are SO much alike dear friend of mine!! In your shoes i would be doing the same exact thing--the anguishing and thinking about what it would be like to not make it home and writing 'from the depths of my being'!
Godspeed and have a blast!
love,
lisa e

Jess said...

Love Jackie, Praying for you while your there and always. What a wonderful record for you both to have never missing her Birthday. So sweet! Enjoy!

amber shimel said...

I totally understand your fear and not wanting to leave 5/6 of your family (which is such a cute way to put it btw). But even though I don't know her, it must mean sooo much to your daughter that you are taking time out of your life to make such a big trip just to see her! Growing up, I remember one-on-one time with my parents as some of my favorite. We'll miss you on Fridays but look forward to seeing LOTS of pictures!

Steph said...

Well if this isn't a God thing, I don't know what is!! I've been going back and forth with myself and God about a mission trip to China, to an orphanage that houses special needs children, where they need a PT. I was supposed to let them know by Monday, but I thought it was too short notice. Then she told me she didn't have to know til the end of the week I've been thinking....I can't leave my family that long...you know the drill....Now I read this....hmmmmm
Love you bunches.