Tuesday, January 29, 2008

January...is it really over already?

January 2008

I can't believe another month has nearly passed. The girls attended a princess party this month and had a ton of fun. The photos are of that and just some fun play at home. I had a "moment" yesterday. We are thinking of putting Davie in a kindergarten class this next year and to be enrolled every child must pass an entrance exam. So, yesterday I had to take Davie for that exam. As we got out of the car I reached down to hold her hand and it happened. Time stood still, just for that moment and I thought, "Where has the time gone? How can this be? Is it really time to hand her over to someone else to teach already?" My eyes filled with tears and I realized again that another of my babies is growing up. Still, I can't believe it. She took my hand and walked with such excitement to the classroom, walked inside and took her test. No worries, no "moments" for her, just excitement for the future, as it should be. I told Sarah last night that it just doesn't get any easier, no matter how many times I've done it. Letting go is always hard. Giving up complete control of all that enters into their little lives is extremely difficult. Handing our children to someone else and trusting God to be with them in the world is an act of faith. No matter what school or event we allow them to be a part of. For me as a mom I take that moment and commit in faith to the God who loves her best. I let go and see what He does. Amazed again that He has allowed this broken vessel to parent at all. What a privilege. What an honor. What a lot of work and pain and heartache. What a step of faith He calls us to as moms. Hang tough moms and remember Galations 6:9"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Love you, Jackie Sue p.s. Davie passed her test with flying colors.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

My Recent Reads

I love to read. Not really a little known fact about me. I am always reading something. Often it is just fluff and fun, mindless entertainment for the joy of a well told story, but usually I have something else going on at the same time. I just finished Denise Hildreth's "The Will of Wisteria" and found it captivating. She and Charles Martin and my new favorite authors. Anything by them is both entertaining, thought provoking and southern...what more could a southern gal ask for??? I am also reading "When I Lay My Isaac Down" by Carol Kent. This is our small group's study for now at church. What a remarkable experience she shares. I haven't finished it yet, but can recommend it because of those who recommended it to me. I am also doing a 90 day journal by Beth Moore called "90 Days with The One and Only" for my quiet time devotional. I really like it. There is journaling involved, but not the typical kind. Don't be scared...give it a try :) Of course I have a fluff, good story book going on at the same time by Michael Phillips. Easy easy read. It is part of a series about blacks and whites during the Cival War and the reconstruction period. It is an easy read and a sweet story. The characters have character which I love and their comittment to doing what's right always challenges me, no matter how predictable(that is for Sarah). I have always enjoyed people and their stories and that is why I read....like a fiend I might add. Have a great day. Happy reading! love, js
p.s. If anyone can tell me how to add links into my blogs it would update my poor little writings ever so much. To be able to send you to my favorite authors would be so much better than just giving you their names, but I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT...I probably shouldn't even use a computer. :-P
P.S.S. Thanks so much to Sarah Miller for helping me to link my authors :)

Oh...I can't believe I forgot to tell you all about my Christmas present of a garden fence with Passion Vines all over it...we got everything in the ground yesterday and it looks lovely. Also I was able to travel all the way across town and get a new bird feeder and pole that my precious husband put up with me last night IN THE DARK. Aren't ya'll happy for me?

Thursday, January 17, 2008

"You are Chinese"

So, its the middle of the night and I'm awake. Not all that unusual considering my age. What is unusual about the middle of the night for me is the clarity of my thoughts. When I wake up I usually wake all the way up with thoughts galore. Funny thing about tonight...I woke up from a dream where I was in labor. I was in the hospital being induced with my fourth child. I couldn't remember if I was having a boy or a girl. David was there and I was asking him. Apparently I was early delivering because I was discussing how small Catherine was when she was born and asking if this baby would be that small too. I was reading a book during my labor. Definitely never done that...even with an epidural...but in this dream I was reading a book and the nurse asked if I could do that in the bathtub and would I like to take a warm bath. I said definitely and after a little more small talk I woke up.

As I woke up Davie was on my mind. She is my fourth child. I woke with an incident that happened today at ballet on my mind. This is Davie's second year of ballet and all the little girls she is in class with are new to her except one. At the end of class all the little girls run out to find their moms. Today Davie ran up to me and said "Mom, they said I am Chinese." To which I responded "and did you tell them you are?" and she said, "no." And I said "well, you can tell them that you are an American of Chinese decent. You were born in China, but now you live here". Nothing else was said at the time that I can remember. But, later on in the car on the way home I said, "who said that you were Chinese?" and she said, "all of them". Then later on that night I asked her "who" in particular said that she was Chinese. She told me the little girl's name and said, "I was the only one that was Chinese and the rest of them were all the same." I'm sorta slow, but I'm beginning to get that she did not feel good about what had been said. I'm wondering how it was said and WHY it was said. What is so interesting to me is that one of the little girls is adopted from India and the little girl that pointed out Davie's ethnicity is 1/2 Japanese so they are not all the same....I'm not going to pursue it anymore I don't think. But, I do wonder what the other mothers have told their children about Davie. I do wonder if they felt the need to explain to their 5 year old daughters that Davie is adopted and what her situation was before her adoption. Then I wonder how I can possibly sheild her from these types of incidents for the next few years until she can have the time to grow into her situation for herself. And I am burdened for my little girl. And I wonder how to tell parents to not tell their little children more information about my little girl than they need to know. I want to tell them not to explain Davie's existence in our family until the child notices for themselves the difference and then to only explain as much as is necessary. I wonder what I'm going to do if a child who has been educated by their parents tells Davie that her "real mother" didn't want her and that is why she is adopted. My heart is so burdened for my little girl and for all the children being adopted by white families who will be forced to look at themselves as different than everyone else. Couldn't that wait...at least until she is 8 or so? Does it have to happen before they are even 5? Well, it has happened and I'm apparently not quite prepared for how to deal with it...so I'm pondering, in the middle of the night, how to prepare myself and Davie better for the next time. Honestly, what I'd like to do is just keep her home for the next few years and when I feel she is ready, then and only then, let the world at her. That would only be a few years, wouldn't it? Say 25 or so. :) love, js

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Warms This Momma's Heart

So, the following is from my Sarah girl...oh my, after a week of nothing it sure did my heart good to recieve this comment from my girl. It could be a "wordless wed" post, but it's all words :) Someday I hope all moms get to feel the wonder of an appreciative child. It is a precious gift. God Bless you all and read on....love, js

Pete said...
HEY MOM!!!!!
I miss you all like mad!!! Seriously. Everything here is AMAZING though. It's everything I dreamt of and more so thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me go. Oh, a little note for you and MIss Leslie--you HAVE to see Mama Mia if it is still playing while you're here. It's tooooo cute. It's a story done completely to music by Abba. Anywho ... I'm doing really well, and having a ball ...except that the hotel can't get its internet working so I'm stuck at this internet cafe with a crappy keyboard where, for some reason, it won't let me post facebook comments. gaaaahhh. I will email |(my email doesnt work on this thing either) and skype you as soon as I have wireless at the hotel, tho. It should be any day now ..... I have oooooodles of pictures that I'll be posting using Picassa or something. I can't wait to blog. It's been quite the experience in only a week ... it feels like I"ve been here for ages. So ... how is everything at home? tell everyone I said hullo and I love them and miss them like crazy. I'm having a good time and studying and taking pictures and working very hard not to spend a lot of money. I love love love love love love you!!!!

January 16, 2008 12:22 PM
P.S. I am going to see her March 11th and cannot wait to see L through her eyes...she will be quite the tour guide I'm sure!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

More Christmas from us than you will want to see :)

Christmas with the kids

Well, if you have time you can look at these many photos and just about experience Christmas with us...every single bit of it. Not really, there are TONS of photos I didn't post ;-) p.s. S left for L today and I didn't even cry, but I did feel like it after we had to get her bags down to 50lbs....we had to make several adjustments at the last minute...pretty stressful moments AND her room is a mess, but in her defense, she did change the sheets on the bed before she left. 12 weeks without anyone in that room ought to give me time for some serious scrapbooking...yeah right.

Christmas PJs

Christmas Pajamas

So, every year we do Christmas pjs. This year there was a problem. We open them on Christmas Eve and then the little girls wear theirs to church. On Christmas Eve night, right before we were to open them I realized that I forgot, did you see that, I FORGOT to buy Matt's pajamas. Not in 17 years had I ever forgotten Matt. Not ever. The only thing is that I bought for 4 kids, the same amount of kids I had last year...I must have thought I had enough. I can't be expected to remember details you know. Not like names, or say, my only son...oh well, it just gives Matt something to harass me about for like the rest of my life. He'll probably have to get some sorta major counseling over this one, but hey, did you see how cute the little girls looked? :)

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Happy New Year!

It is 2008. I'm sure you probably know that...if you don't, you're in worse shape than me! I'm not really in bad shape, just not feeling overly bloggy. Kept thinking that surely there was something I needed to share, but nothing came. I'm actually feeling a little empty, which is not like me typically...sorta in a funk and trying to work my way through it.

The holidays went well for us. It stayed pretty low key. We had fun with the girls and their new toys. They love their kitchen set and Barbie jeep and we loved watching Davie throw Ellie around that first time she drove. It was hysterical. Now Ellie doesn't want to ride with her...go figure. The big kids got the normal clothes and stuff. Matt got fun stuff for his guitar...I don't even know what it was really. I got some gift certificates and had fun spending one of them at Lowe's on a garden fence to grow my butterfly plants on. Hopefully by spring I will have so many butterflies that you will have to swat them away to get out of your car(ok, that might be like a plague and not be much fun, but lots of them anyway.) I also got a Starbucks card and I am enjoying that tremendously(a comedian at our church last night called Starbucks "the Christian crack"...I thought that was pretty funny and maybe a little true...bummer). Anyway, Christmas was really fun. Stayed up until midnight on New Years Eve too....wow, aren't you impressed? On the way home I saw three sets of fireworks. That's just cause we live way out and can see all the theme parks from out here...impressed, aren't ya? So, I'm thinking that this funk has to do with my lack of self control with food...fatter than I've ever been. Big fat bummer! But, even more than that, my passion for my Lord has waned in the last couple of weeks and so my zeal for life is lacking. I usually get sorta mad at Him when things feel too hard. Like changing. Really making life changes. Please know that I don't mean to be insensitive to anyone who is experiencing anything that is devastating in their life at this time...I know that this seems very superficial in some respects, but the truth is I get so weary of trying to change the things I have struggled with for years. So, I get sorta mad at God for making me continue in this struggle. The truth is, I want Him to remove the struggle...just magically make it disappear. Like a drug addict who miraculously gives up drugs and never wants them again. I want to experience a sugar miracle...never want sugar again. I KNOW I'm whimpy, but really, that's what I want. I don't think I'm gonna get it though...I think I'm just gonna have to struggle with my flesh until I get to go HOME. So, hey, Happy New Year and lets get on with it already....someday I will get to go Home and not struggle with anything anymore. (Hasten the day, Lord...hasten the day.)

On an exciting note, my oldest leaves for London tomorrow...well, she leaves home tomorrow and stays with a travel mate and then flies out of the US on Wed. She is excited, but like all of us, a little nervous. I started really thinking about her going last night and at 3 something a.m. I turned on the tv just to have something other than my thoughts going on in my head. The tv lulls me back to sleep pretty quickly. Before I turned on the tv I laid there, or layed there, I can never remember which, and the enemy tried to do a number on my heart...thoughts like "what in the world are you thinking letting her go over there?" And then there were the anxious thoughts about making sure she has everything she needs. I fight the enemy and pray, but those endless loop thoughts sure get to me sometimes. Is this way too much information or what? Anyway, other than leaving her loved ones(one in particular and its not her dad or I :) she is very excited. Other than her leaving us, we are very excited for her.

School started back today for the other big kids and man is it quiet around here! I love breaks where everyone is home and no one has to be anywhere, but then I love the order and routine that school brings to our lives. I guess I sorta like the non schedule better in some ways though.

Well,I guess I must bring this riveting post to a close. If you are still reading you are faithful blog person and I thank you. Much love and God's peace to you, Jackie Sue