Monday, July 16, 2007

More Summer Fun and Ponderings

More Summer Fun

Well, here are a few photos from our Fun Thursdays at our friend's house. Her hospitality has been a blessing as I run from one place to another to drop off kids at work, dance and then pick others up at intervals throughout the day. We have made some fun memories and have become her new adopted daughters' "good friends". Thank you so much J.R. for the sweet times.
Life continues to move ahead. My ponderings are not always positive, so if you are looking for a super mom's guide to successful parenting, STOP READING NOW! This mom is plagued with self doubt....learned that term yesterday from my pastor as he did a prayer exercise with us. Now, let me say that I am not looking for anyone to build me up...honestly. Jesus does that for me. I am just a mom who is being honest about her struggles at this time in her life. Self-doubt. I wake up almost nightly plagued, albeit by the enemy, but none the less, plagued with self-doubt about what has occurred with my children that day. Most of which has to do with things I've said or done that are less than righteous. This parenting thing has changed me from a carefree, fun-loving otter, into an intense, worrisome old woman....I am definitely doing something wrong. The fruit in my life as a parent is not at all what I dreamt it would be all those years ago. BUT, God is not done with me yet. I am currently reading, Mark Buchanan's "The Rest of God" restoring your soul by restoring SABBATH. I must confess that I bought this book a while back (by the way I highly recommend anything this guy has written-easy to read and very thought provoking)but, I didn't really get into it. What is so funny about that is that often my prayer requests to my small group revolves around learning to REST...so I should have been reading this book all along! Anyhow, I picked it up last week sometime and determined to work my way through it. God is so sweet. This book is all about trusting in God's sovereignty and resting in His goodness and finding Him everywhere. Really and truly just what I needed for my soul. On most days I find myself longing for Heaven for very selfish reasons really. I am just weary of getting it wrong and I long to be done with this life having done as little damage as possible to those I love. Pretty self focused, huh? But true. Well, today in this book I read the chapter on Stopping to Number Our Days Aright. Good stuff. It's about being fully awake and how Jesus was purposeful but not driven. Driven people tend to forget their purpose. His life was full of interruptions and side roads. He was completely present and always paying attention to everything around Him. He always made room for "interruptions". Here was a line worth quoting, "The span between life as we intend it and life as we receive it is vast. Our true purpose is worked out in that gap. It is fashioned in the crucible of interruptions." Life is meant to be lived without being intense and driven...as though we are running out of time....we have all the time we need to live exactly what God intends for us. I can relax. I can trust God with all that is important to me. I can trust Him with my 20 year old...I can let go. I can trust Him with my dear son who loves Him. I can trust Him with my 11 year old who rarely says the words "I'm sorry". I can trust Him with my 2 little ones....I CAN TRUST HIM!!! My intensity is revealing my lack of trust plain and simple. If I can trust then I can enjoy my kids. I can relax. I can rest. They are really good kids. Somehow in my "stuff" that becomes not enough. I worry and fret and fuss and criticize. See...that is what I can't seem to get over. My heart breaks and I live in the sadness of my mistakes...which doesn't help anything. Today I will enjoy my kids...I will see God in them....I will make time for surprise interruptions...divine by nature. Not at all will I be able to accomplish this miracle in my own strength, but the strength of the One who loves me and by His grace at work in me. One final quote from Buchanan "Most of us live afraid that we are almost out of time. But, you and I, we're heirs of eternity. We're not short of days. We just need to number them aright." God Bless you and rest today in the goodness of God. You are loved. You are loved. You are loved.

2 comments:

Jessie's parents said...

Jackie,
What an awesome post! Thank you for being real with us fellow moms who struggle just like you do. I love the insight and perspective you provided. Steven Curtis Chapman's newest album (to be released in Oct.) is about living in the moment and finding the "Miracle of the Moment" which is the title track. Its good stuff.

Steph said...

Wow, Jackie...we have a lot to talk about. I'm not sure a couple of days will be enough!! We truly are sisters. I love you.
Steph