Sunday, January 6, 2008

Happy New Year!

It is 2008. I'm sure you probably know that...if you don't, you're in worse shape than me! I'm not really in bad shape, just not feeling overly bloggy. Kept thinking that surely there was something I needed to share, but nothing came. I'm actually feeling a little empty, which is not like me typically...sorta in a funk and trying to work my way through it.

The holidays went well for us. It stayed pretty low key. We had fun with the girls and their new toys. They love their kitchen set and Barbie jeep and we loved watching Davie throw Ellie around that first time she drove. It was hysterical. Now Ellie doesn't want to ride with her...go figure. The big kids got the normal clothes and stuff. Matt got fun stuff for his guitar...I don't even know what it was really. I got some gift certificates and had fun spending one of them at Lowe's on a garden fence to grow my butterfly plants on. Hopefully by spring I will have so many butterflies that you will have to swat them away to get out of your car(ok, that might be like a plague and not be much fun, but lots of them anyway.) I also got a Starbucks card and I am enjoying that tremendously(a comedian at our church last night called Starbucks "the Christian crack"...I thought that was pretty funny and maybe a little true...bummer). Anyway, Christmas was really fun. Stayed up until midnight on New Years Eve, aren't you impressed? On the way home I saw three sets of fireworks. That's just cause we live way out and can see all the theme parks from out here...impressed, aren't ya? So, I'm thinking that this funk has to do with my lack of self control with food...fatter than I've ever been. Big fat bummer! But, even more than that, my passion for my Lord has waned in the last couple of weeks and so my zeal for life is lacking. I usually get sorta mad at Him when things feel too hard. Like changing. Really making life changes. Please know that I don't mean to be insensitive to anyone who is experiencing anything that is devastating in their life at this time...I know that this seems very superficial in some respects, but the truth is I get so weary of trying to change the things I have struggled with for years. So, I get sorta mad at God for making me continue in this struggle. The truth is, I want Him to remove the struggle...just magically make it disappear. Like a drug addict who miraculously gives up drugs and never wants them again. I want to experience a sugar miracle...never want sugar again. I KNOW I'm whimpy, but really, that's what I want. I don't think I'm gonna get it though...I think I'm just gonna have to struggle with my flesh until I get to go HOME. So, hey, Happy New Year and lets get on with it already....someday I will get to go Home and not struggle with anything anymore. (Hasten the day, Lord...hasten the day.)

On an exciting note, my oldest leaves for London tomorrow...well, she leaves home tomorrow and stays with a travel mate and then flies out of the US on Wed. She is excited, but like all of us, a little nervous. I started really thinking about her going last night and at 3 something a.m. I turned on the tv just to have something other than my thoughts going on in my head. The tv lulls me back to sleep pretty quickly. Before I turned on the tv I laid there, or layed there, I can never remember which, and the enemy tried to do a number on my heart...thoughts like "what in the world are you thinking letting her go over there?" And then there were the anxious thoughts about making sure she has everything she needs. I fight the enemy and pray, but those endless loop thoughts sure get to me sometimes. Is this way too much information or what? Anyway, other than leaving her loved ones(one in particular and its not her dad or I :) she is very excited. Other than her leaving us, we are very excited for her.

School started back today for the other big kids and man is it quiet around here! I love breaks where everyone is home and no one has to be anywhere, but then I love the order and routine that school brings to our lives. I guess I sorta like the non schedule better in some ways though.

Well,I guess I must bring this riveting post to a close. If you are still reading you are faithful blog person and I thank you. Much love and God's peace to you, Jackie Sue


Brandi said...

I knoe you are shocked that I'm the first to comment! ha ha! THanks for a new post finally. . .I know how you feel though, just having your "groove" change during the holidays can put you in a funk. . .I love ya and am thankful for you! I'll be praying for you and for Sarah tomorrow. Tell her to have fun for me!


Anonymous said...

Hey Friend!
I didn't know i could leave a comment using anonymous on your blog!
Anyway, I was up in the middle of the night, too. I read 6 chapters of Job.....oh, what in the world was i thinking, telling the women we need to read this??!!! Talk about a downer!!!! Focus all of your energy on prayer, asking God to show us which of these HARD chapters we can leave out....I certainly don't want to be responsible for anyone feeling the same way Job's wife did when its all said and done!!!!
looking forward to Wednesday, lets look for stuff to laugh about :)
love and prayers for joy and peace,
lisa e

Lydia said...

Jackie- read your recent post to the end, thankful for your authenticity and real things that you face God with head on and it encourages me too! It is also encouraging me to start my writing again, maybe even in blog format... who knows. It's cold up here. Lots of snow in Boone. You coming back up here this year? C'mon..... ya'll... I am proud of you for letting Sarah go, and she goes with the Lord under the shadow of His Wing... I will pray to that end... Lydia

melmac said...

Hey Jackie,
I loved your Christmas card and picture. I love this time of year because I get to update my fridge. I'll be praying for your funk. I know what you mean and how you're feeling.