Monday, April 2, 2007
It is 3:30am here but I had to write about my girl. She is not happy about me at all! She calls out MA! from her crib and when I show up she does not recive me. When I pick her up she just gets mad and so I lay her back down where she then pretends that I am not there. She will not look my way one bit. It is intentional. I am not writing this because I am upset. I am so ok with this. I am writing about this b/c the Lord showed me that this is how many of His children are with Him initially. He comes to us, wanting to adopt us as His children and we refuse Him. We reject the love He has to offer. We want nothing at all to do with Him, often b/c He refuses to be who we want Him to be. He is who He is. He can't and won't change that. God is not hurt by our rejection of Him...He knows all the good things He wants to give us and so our patient, longsuffering Heavenly Father pursues us...He gives us good gifts, He allows us to enjoy all that He has provided for us, He waits for us b/c He loves us so and little by little many of us respond to His love. Often b/c of others who have trusted Him first. There is the beauty in having Davie here with us...she will be my witness. Davie has loved me from the beginning. She willingly received my love. Davie trusts me totally. Davie will be my witness to Eliana that Momma can be trusted! I LOVE THIS! Adoption is so much God's idea! I think everyone should do it :) God has shown me more of Himself...and I am touched and humbled. I don't mean that Davie did it "right" and Eliana is "wrong"...I mean that God is willing to wait for us to love Him. He is not intimidated by our rejection and in this adoption I get the priviledge to be like Him...unbelievable. I am not worried...I know that I want to only give to Eliana and to make her my own and I know that that will happen. This is not about attachment...she makes eye contact with me...when I sing...when she WANTS to :) this is about a little girl that NEEDS to be won over...and I'm not worried about that at all...I have a witness :) and I have my own mothering ability by God's grace and so stay tuned, I will keep you updated on the "winning over of Eliana!