Monday, April 2, 2007

My Girl

It is 3:30am here but I had to write about my girl. She is not happy about me at all! She calls out MA! from her crib and when I show up she does not recive me. When I pick her up she just gets mad and so I lay her back down where she then pretends that I am not there. She will not look my way one bit. It is intentional. I am not writing this because I am upset. I am so ok with this. I am writing about this b/c the Lord showed me that this is how many of His children are with Him initially. He comes to us, wanting to adopt us as His children and we refuse Him. We reject the love He has to offer. We want nothing at all to do with Him, often b/c He refuses to be who we want Him to be. He is who He is. He can't and won't change that. God is not hurt by our rejection of Him...He knows all the good things He wants to give us and so our patient, longsuffering Heavenly Father pursues us...He gives us good gifts, He allows us to enjoy all that He has provided for us, He waits for us b/c He loves us so and little by little many of us respond to His love. Often b/c of others who have trusted Him first. There is the beauty in having Davie here with us...she will be my witness. Davie has loved me from the beginning. She willingly received my love. Davie trusts me totally. Davie will be my witness to Eliana that Momma can be trusted! I LOVE THIS! Adoption is so much God's idea! I think everyone should do it :) God has shown me more of Himself...and I am touched and humbled. I don't mean that Davie did it "right" and Eliana is "wrong"...I mean that God is willing to wait for us to love Him. He is not intimidated by our rejection and in this adoption I get the priviledge to be like Him...unbelievable. I am not worried...I know that I want to only give to Eliana and to make her my own and I know that that will happen. This is not about attachment...she makes eye contact with me...when I sing...when she WANTS to :) this is about a little girl that NEEDS to be won over...and I'm not worried about that at all...I have a witness :) and I have my own mothering ability by God's grace and so stay tuned, I will keep you updated on the "winning over of Eliana!

6 comments:

christie said...

Oh, Jackie, how sweet! I love to hear how God is teaching you and what he is saying and what you are learning. I know it won't be long and Eliana will love and accept you. How fun to watch the process...the sweet wooing. I'm praying for you. It is so cool that you have Davie there with you, your living witness to Eliana's mama!!

Steph said...

Jackie,
You have the sweetest spirit. I love the way you see Christ in every situation. What an honor and a priviledge to be able to show the love of Christ not only to your little girl, but to share it with anyone who reads your blog. I love you sis!

jennifer said...

WOW! What an awesome post. I have been following the journey of your group dreaming of the day when it will be my turn. Your daughters are beautiful. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful message. Congratulations!

Jennifer Doughty
Denham Springs, LA

jacicromer said...

You are so right, and speak of it so well. Eliana is just like most of us, as we get use to the idea of a new relationship we try to hold onto the old. Even mourning that which we leave behind. What is so awesome that she was attached to her "mama" and how encouraging that she can do it, and she will attach to you and all of her kin! I cried and cried tears of joy today again. That Eliana is with her family. God is sooooo good, all the time! Love, Jaci for all The Romer's

DiJo said...

Congratulations!!! She is such a tiny blessing!!!! Thank you for sharing your journey here. We are another AWAA family that just received our TA yesterday!!! Our daughter is also in Jiangxi, so it is so extra special for me to follow your group in Nanchang!!! One more month, and I too will be holding our new daughter Ruby!! I will be praying for Eliana and your beautiful family!!!
-Diana (www.myadoptionwebsite.com/diandjeff)

Jess said...

I love that you see all the messages from your sweet, sweet father!
What a gift she is!